Welcome One and All
Court has graciously given me first crack at posting on our blog. Bless her Canadian heart. Since this is a new blog, many of you don't know Court and I very well. Fuck, even I don't know Court very well =) (besides the fact she likes some weird cereal named 'Vector'......and that's just quirky). So this is my re-introduction to the internet blog world. Ladies and more ladies, let me introduce you to myself, Mikey D...
I was born and raised in the upper deep south, right on the Mason-Dixon line in beautiful Frederick, Maryland. I was a southern boy through and through...except I didn't like farming, plaid shirts, slavery, SEC football, or riding shirtless in the back of pick-up trucks with bundles of hay, pigs, and my uncle. I went to a private school for my early elementary years, where I learned I had quite a knack with the ladies. In kindergarten this curly haired bitch would always try to sit next to me and steal my fucking Cheetos during snack time. The only way to get rid of her, according to her, was if I let her kiss my cheek. So I let her touch my penis. Worked out well.
Then my next door neighbor and I began to hang out a lot in first grade. She was the only one in my neighborhood that was my age, so naturally we hit it off. We could talk all day about which Ghostbuster was the sweetest, bugs we found in the garden, and lincoln logs. Well one day we found ourselves alone in my closet. This memory is a little fuzzy, so I'm not sure how we actually got into the closet, but I'm going to guess we chased a bug into it. Of course one thing led to another, and I asked her to show me her vagina, and in return, I would show her my anaconda. Fair trade off in my book, and apparently in hers as well. She flashed me hers, and being just six at the time, I just laughed. Girls have vaginas...hahahaha. Then it was my turn. Instead of just giving her a quick peak at my teeny adolecent penis, I decided to do a striptease for her. This part I remember vividly, because as my Mickey Mouse underwear were at my ankles, my hips swaying side to side, dick swinging in the breeze (yes, this closet was drafty...that's why I told her it was so small...), my mother decided to open the door. Oye. She sent my neighbor home, and made me pull up my pants. I think we had a little birds and bees talk, and we both agreed that I would not be showing my penis that way to a girl ever again. And to this day I have not done another striptease. A promise is a promise. I do believe that day disturbed my mom more than me. Eh, that's okay, because I saw my neighbor's vagina =).
I was doing pretty well with the ladies until I hit the second grade. That's when things all went downhill. Her name was Catalina. Very exotic...meow. She was very unique, not like all the other second graders. She would rather curl up with a good Dr. Seuss book than play with all the other kids on the jungle gym. I liked that. Give me a different kind of girl. Anyway, I got her to go on a few play dates with me, and they were pretty tight. We'd play tag at her house, and she'd come over and build block forts at mine. It was a good time to say the least. Then...it all fell apart. We were at my house. We were playing king and queen, and my room was our castle (by the way, I was the king...and fuck you). That's when I decided I had to have Catalina. She was going to be mine. But how? I needed some grand gesture to show her my true feelings, my true desire for her. Then I had it. A fake rubber snake! Yes! Perfect! I placed it in our grand castle, right on her throne. I ushered her in through our drawbridge.....and then she screamed.....then ran.....then cried.....then went home......and never came back.........Our relationship was strained after that. I tried to explain to her that it was a FAKE rubber snake, and not a real one. She said it didn't matter, and that I was a mean boy. Mean boy!?!? I played fucking king and queen with you bitch! No self-respecting guy would do that! So I called her a whore and never talked to her again. Bitch.
I swore off girls for awhile after that. They just seemed like trouble to me. Stealing cheetos. Getting caught stripping by my mom. Crying over fake rubber snakes. Girls sucked! I had an occasional weird run-in with the opposite sex here and there. In third grade I was over at my neighbor's house, and was going to get the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle figures from her room upstairs. As I passed her parent's bedroom, I saw that her dad was spanking her mom's bare ass. Her mom's HUGE bare ass. If I wasn't scarred from my mom catching me strip, I was from this. What the fuck? Her mom must have been a bad bad bad girl. And let me clarify one thing. When I say spank, I'm not talking with an open hand. I'm talking with a ping pong paddle. Dude, there are kids in the house! Keep your door closed and save the kinky shit for after bedtime!...Then in fifth grade I was chatting up a nice young lass during some free time in class. She was cute, and I was glad that the seating chart gods had placed me next to her. After talking with her for a little, she got a very weird expression on her face. She became very flushed...almost embarrassed. I asked her what was wrong, and she told me to get the teacher. I did, and as I found out later...she had had her period right there in the chair next to me. "What's a period," I asked my mom. Ohhhhhhhhhh. Ewwwwwwwwww! Girls, once again, too much trouble, and too gross for me.
Nowadays things are different. I'll give girls more of a chance =). In sixth grade I had my first kiss. It was on my school bus. Her name was Sonnet Sparks. I knew she liked me, and one day she positioned herself right across from me on the bus. When the time was right, she struck. She attempted to kiss me right on the cheek, but yours truly would have none of that. I grabbed her and placed one right on her lips. Booya mother fucker! And after that, my life was never the same. Girls weren't bad, they were great!
Until they break-up with you, cheat on you, or lie to you......that's for another day and another blog though....
Well, this little introduction about myself probably didn't help you get to know me too well. Don't worry though, I will talk about myself again, I promise. Then you can learn something else about me besides who I got with in first grade. Although that's all that's really important about a person, right? Right.
Okay folks, Hollllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllla!!!!!
~Mikey D
"If that's all you will be
You'll be a waste of time
You've dreamed a thousand dreams
None seem to stick in your mind...
Two points for Honesty"
I was born and raised in the upper deep south, right on the Mason-Dixon line in beautiful Frederick, Maryland. I was a southern boy through and through...except I didn't like farming, plaid shirts, slavery, SEC football, or riding shirtless in the back of pick-up trucks with bundles of hay, pigs, and my uncle. I went to a private school for my early elementary years, where I learned I had quite a knack with the ladies. In kindergarten this curly haired bitch would always try to sit next to me and steal my fucking Cheetos during snack time. The only way to get rid of her, according to her, was if I let her kiss my cheek. So I let her touch my penis. Worked out well.
Then my next door neighbor and I began to hang out a lot in first grade. She was the only one in my neighborhood that was my age, so naturally we hit it off. We could talk all day about which Ghostbuster was the sweetest, bugs we found in the garden, and lincoln logs. Well one day we found ourselves alone in my closet. This memory is a little fuzzy, so I'm not sure how we actually got into the closet, but I'm going to guess we chased a bug into it. Of course one thing led to another, and I asked her to show me her vagina, and in return, I would show her my anaconda. Fair trade off in my book, and apparently in hers as well. She flashed me hers, and being just six at the time, I just laughed. Girls have vaginas...hahahaha. Then it was my turn. Instead of just giving her a quick peak at my teeny adolecent penis, I decided to do a striptease for her. This part I remember vividly, because as my Mickey Mouse underwear were at my ankles, my hips swaying side to side, dick swinging in the breeze (yes, this closet was drafty...that's why I told her it was so small...), my mother decided to open the door. Oye. She sent my neighbor home, and made me pull up my pants. I think we had a little birds and bees talk, and we both agreed that I would not be showing my penis that way to a girl ever again. And to this day I have not done another striptease. A promise is a promise. I do believe that day disturbed my mom more than me. Eh, that's okay, because I saw my neighbor's vagina =).
I was doing pretty well with the ladies until I hit the second grade. That's when things all went downhill. Her name was Catalina. Very exotic...meow. She was very unique, not like all the other second graders. She would rather curl up with a good Dr. Seuss book than play with all the other kids on the jungle gym. I liked that. Give me a different kind of girl. Anyway, I got her to go on a few play dates with me, and they were pretty tight. We'd play tag at her house, and she'd come over and build block forts at mine. It was a good time to say the least. Then...it all fell apart. We were at my house. We were playing king and queen, and my room was our castle (by the way, I was the king...and fuck you). That's when I decided I had to have Catalina. She was going to be mine. But how? I needed some grand gesture to show her my true feelings, my true desire for her. Then I had it. A fake rubber snake! Yes! Perfect! I placed it in our grand castle, right on her throne. I ushered her in through our drawbridge.....and then she screamed.....then ran.....then cried.....then went home......and never came back.........Our relationship was strained after that. I tried to explain to her that it was a FAKE rubber snake, and not a real one. She said it didn't matter, and that I was a mean boy. Mean boy!?!? I played fucking king and queen with you bitch! No self-respecting guy would do that! So I called her a whore and never talked to her again. Bitch.
I swore off girls for awhile after that. They just seemed like trouble to me. Stealing cheetos. Getting caught stripping by my mom. Crying over fake rubber snakes. Girls sucked! I had an occasional weird run-in with the opposite sex here and there. In third grade I was over at my neighbor's house, and was going to get the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle figures from her room upstairs. As I passed her parent's bedroom, I saw that her dad was spanking her mom's bare ass. Her mom's HUGE bare ass. If I wasn't scarred from my mom catching me strip, I was from this. What the fuck? Her mom must have been a bad bad bad girl. And let me clarify one thing. When I say spank, I'm not talking with an open hand. I'm talking with a ping pong paddle. Dude, there are kids in the house! Keep your door closed and save the kinky shit for after bedtime!...Then in fifth grade I was chatting up a nice young lass during some free time in class. She was cute, and I was glad that the seating chart gods had placed me next to her. After talking with her for a little, she got a very weird expression on her face. She became very flushed...almost embarrassed. I asked her what was wrong, and she told me to get the teacher. I did, and as I found out later...she had had her period right there in the chair next to me. "What's a period," I asked my mom. Ohhhhhhhhhh. Ewwwwwwwwww! Girls, once again, too much trouble, and too gross for me.
Nowadays things are different. I'll give girls more of a chance =). In sixth grade I had my first kiss. It was on my school bus. Her name was Sonnet Sparks. I knew she liked me, and one day she positioned herself right across from me on the bus. When the time was right, she struck. She attempted to kiss me right on the cheek, but yours truly would have none of that. I grabbed her and placed one right on her lips. Booya mother fucker! And after that, my life was never the same. Girls weren't bad, they were great!
Until they break-up with you, cheat on you, or lie to you......that's for another day and another blog though....
Well, this little introduction about myself probably didn't help you get to know me too well. Don't worry though, I will talk about myself again, I promise. Then you can learn something else about me besides who I got with in first grade. Although that's all that's really important about a person, right? Right.
Okay folks, Hollllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllla!!!!!
~Mikey D
"If that's all you will be
You'll be a waste of time
You've dreamed a thousand dreams
None seem to stick in your mind...
Two points for Honesty"
posted by Mike and Court at 10:25 AM
2 Comments:
I didn't realize Maryland was in the upper deep south. I guess I hate you now. Sorry.
I too had a preschool rendezvous. You probably know the girl it was with, but I don't preschool-kiss-and-tell.
Typical Adam...
You don't have to tell me about it...I already know it was hot.
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